Is dating dead?
It is one of those questions that need answers because let’s face it – times have changed. Social and technological changes have been rapid and fluid within the past 10 years. Western-style dating, a method now that consists of lots ambiguity, has created a dynamic that can lead to several outcomes.
Hook-up culture, combat dating, casual relationships, and friends with benefits is the norm in North America. It seems any behaviour that might indicate genuine love or desire for another person that leads to creating stable marriages and families is no longer popular. Click To Tweet Conventionally speaking, dating originated for the primary goal of the nuclear family. Let’s take a look and see what is dying, what happened and why.
When was the last time you went on a planned date? Or met up with someone based on prearranged plans? Getting to know someone through spent time and courtship feels like something out of a Disney movie, or at least the 19th century. Facetiousness as aside, the underlying reasons for this could be from smartphones and commitment. Smartphones have made flaking incredibly easy. With two thumbs and an index finger within in a minute’s notice can cancel any plan.
With smartphones, you can contact and have access to your social network and applications any time and can see every other (cool) option that you can resort to instead. Think of shiny object syndrome but with dating.
Most young folks are attached to their mobile devices and communicate through apps or text. To be clear, I am that young folk. You would think with the overuse of our devices that would lead to more phone calls, right?
Not really. Phone calls require direct one-on-one communication, it also requires you to give your full attention to that single person at once, which is more intimacy than most can handle. Attention spans are getting shorter and shorter on a global scale. Unless it’s for professional or family reasons, or for an emergency, calling a potential suitor today can be refreshing and rare for some, creepy and needy for others.
Relationships that begin without formal dating, progress without formal labels. If no commitment is given, none is assumed. Click To TweetYou can’t cheat on someone you never said you were committed to. No one wants to appear needy. Most men with options can be indecisive when it comes to exclusivity to avoid being considered needy. Likewise, women with multiple options can appear as if they don’t need men. Since neither person wants to look like they need the other, this can cause relationships operating on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to infidelity.
Because no commitment is given, there is nothing to break. You just simply stop contacting someone without any warning or reason. Calling someone to tell them you no longer want to see them again would require acknowledging someone else’s feelings and going out of your way to be kind to them.
Such a direct conversation might inadvertently lead to intimacy, which is what all these behaviours are set up to avoid. In fact, replace the word “awkward” with “intimate” and the motivation behind most people’s behaviour becomes appalling clear.
The value of a relationship is generally proportional to its premises. There are no reasons for it to last long if it begins fast. Compatibility needs a lot of work, building trust, sharing real values, being able to cope with each other’s flaws. It takes time experience, maturity and honesty to figure it out. Dating isn’t necessarily dead, it just isn’t mainstream.
Do you agree? Let me know your thoughts below.