Communication comes more naturally to some folks than others. People who possess a strong belief system understand that relationships revolve around intention, patience, and nurture. They are likely to feel negatively toward ghosting. People whose beliefs are more tied to destiny, or a relationship that is “preordained” tend to do the opposite.
Whether it be ghosting or closure the two are closely tied to finality; the ending from where no further changes continue. Letting go of something that once was. It can be a relationship, job, stage or way of life, or thinking. Which can be painful. Acceptance of ourselves is the best path to go beyond our limitations to find different possibilities.
No one likes being ghosted. We all have been victims of it. Even practitioners. One day you realize the person you were talking to for weeks disappears without an explanation or trace and is not responding to your calls and messages. It is frustrating, cold and immature. However, there are exceptions. If there are no romantic or intimate ties or personal obligations – it is fair game. I think that it is also warranted in circumstances of disrespect; we all need boundaries. When crossed, it’s concluded that no future interactions will benefit you in any way, and feel that this person is no longer worthy of your politeness.
An under-discussed topic concerning ghosting is how vulnerable people can be when they have really fallen for you but you are just not there. You don’t feel the same way they do. There are dangerous amounts of emotional power to wield. It can be uneasy. Uneasy because you know there is an eventual expiry date to this relationship (?). A personal problem I had in the past was not knowing when to end it. I knew the relationship was going to crash and (possibly) burn but I was okay with that. It was a game. I think I wanted to prove something or was compensating for something else, not sure. I would bail when s**t hit the fan. It was wrong and the funny thing about it in hindsight was that honesty would have saved me. It would have saved me from all the drama and time wasted. Ghosting is often the “easy way.” My guess nowadays is that it is quite the norm, which is bad for everyone and society. There is a basic courtesy that is lacking today. There’s a courteous way of saying ‘no’ and we should try to do so whenever possible.
You don’t need closure.
Either someone wants you or they don’t. Just accept it and grieve on your own time. Why? Because you will never get an actual reason for them breaking up with you or them not being interested. You will get the society-approved, straight out of a movie BS that makes them seem innocent. You will never hear “sex wasn’t good enough” or “you’re too nice” or even “you’re annoying and a huge headache.”
Sometimes the reasons you receive will be so false and inaccurate, fake and untrue that you will just want to set them straight and correct their misunderstanding. Don’t. You see, we human beings have egos. This isn’t the entire problem, but sadly some folks want you to know you’re emotional about them breaking up with you. It validates them. It’s pathological and toxic.
When someone ghosts or breaks up with you, you want to be able to look back on how you handled it. Hopefully, you handle it with pride. When you give people closure, you give them your pride. Most of us can admit that we have fallen into the “why” trap before. I mean, we have emotions and sometimes they take over. It is hard to not know the reasons for why things fell apart and set yourself to fix it next time. In my experience, when you get older you realize you never get the straight answers. Sometimes closure is just accepting that whatever was done to you (or not done for you) will not change with or without an apology.
What most of us have come to learn later in life is that all relationships require work. Whether it is a friendship, business or romantic partner, casual hookup or even an employer, there’s an underlying responsibility; unless you feel unsafe, you are accountable to communicate your intentions, expectation and even disinterest to others. To hold yourself accountable for communication you outline from the jump the type of relationship that you are looking for. Even if it’s momentary.
Finding closure allows you to move into the future with buoyancy unaccompanied by burden. However, most of the time it is not necessary. Often, we think we are looking for closure from other people, but what we really need is acceptance from ourselves. I think closure is overrated because it’s usually an excuse for not wanting to move on. Trying to make sense of why people do what they do is wasted energy that we can be using bettering ourselves and seeking quality relationships with those who will reciprocate and appreciate that energy.